Life is a battle, sugar.
Life is a constant fight.
You always have to watch your back, because world is a cruel place and being a good person is a weakness here. That's why I don't expose myself anymore to anyone, because if I do, they may use it against me. I am just tired – tired of feeling weak, tired of fighting. I am tired of pretending to be someone else so people wouldn't think I'm a freak. Well, here is the truth – I am a freak and from now on I will try to do everything to feel good with it.
I will not expose myself though. I will just observe and listen. And analyze, and remember. You will think I am mysterious or... enigmatic. You will be afraid of me, because you'll never be able to find out what I think about. This will keep you away.
Still, I am an honest person and if you ask about anything, I'll answer. With honesty.
But don't expect me to spend much time here. I am very busy right now. I barely find time to clean my wet and moldy room and to wash my clothes to work, not mentioning spending hours on deviantART. I have no opportunities to take photos. I have no inspiration either. This town just sucks all my afflatus out of me.
Yes – I have a job. A permanent, full-time job. I'm working as a barista at Starbucks. Not much, huh? Maybe. But I like this job and I like people I work with. They are crazy, they are funny and smart, and always helpful. They really made my first period of work much more easy because I could count on them. I'm not sure if they know how much they helped me, and maybe I don't want them to know, but they make my workplace feel like a second home. What's more there are few regular customers who always have a good word to give and a smile to share. I would not change this job to anything else right now. Though I still am very lonely here and it makes me feel bad that besides work I have no one to talk with, no one to go out with, no one to help me with simple everyday things. Well, everything in its' own time.
This feels weird. Sometimes I am helpless like a teenage girl who found herself in a new, difficult situation. Other times I am just too old and too tired to handle all of this, too old and too tired to be with someone, to wait for someone, to start a family on my own. Too simple to understand this complicated world with its all complicated people with complicated personalities. Sometimes I just feel broken. Sometimes... it's just too difficult to fight your dark side. You just let it get out then and take control of you. Just for a while.
I guess now I have my darker days.
My Dad's first DD.
I am very, very proud if my Dad. He's got his first Daily Deviation few days ago. Very well deserved, occupied with hard work and commitment. Here it is:
I am obliged to remind You about the Facebook page for my photography and digital art. I established it some time ago, but i still feel very lonely on that vast and lonesome place called Facebook. If You like my art here, maybe You could like it there as well...?
If You prefer 500px more than deviantART, follow me there.
Art of Yours
Llamas.... what are those for? I don't get the whole "Llama idea". Don't give me them, I wouldn't know how to use them. For the same reason I don't offer them back.
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All support is much appreciated, though i know i don't have enough time to answer all Your messages...